I will admit, I thought it might've gone faster then I expected, but I have some suspicion that there might be something with Apple involved. Overall, I really like everything so far, and those new cgs are so delightful!!! Can't wait to see how things go!
I'm hoping the same, have some hope from how willing both were willing too flash their assholes if you wear the skimpy underwear. Also, cause I think it'd be funny if they find out he's just a grower, and just huge. But whatever position they'll have, it'll be super hot!
This is just my 2 cents, but I recommend trying to recruit beta readers for the story to get feedback. The initial build had a great story to start with, but it's taking some turns with the second build which I'm not crazy about.
*spoiler* For me there was a bit too much 'trying to buy protagonist's affection' with this update. The whole emphasis on spending a huge amount of money on the protagonist when they still barely knew each other rubbed me the wrong way. And the 'chosen one' dialogue took a drastic change in tone versus before. Before the protagonist nearly dies because of a strange entity. And there is an air of mystery as he tries to figure out whose contacting him. Now they are having conversations about him being the 'chosen one' is a totally different light, more comedy and slap stick funny. The change in tone with the alien felt way too fast. These are only my thoughts though. Getting feedback on the story from a couple of others might note something different.
Mert and Artyom are rivals, and they try to outspend each other for Finn, that’s the reason behind it.
As for the secrets, I should mention that I still want to keep the game’s vibe fun and comedic for now. I also didn’t want the reader to think they were about to play a horror game because it's not horror. But the story is serious and will gradually become more mysterious and deeper. So, I hope you’ll look forward to future updates because this is just the beginning!
I agree with the problems mentioned here. Even though i'm really enjoying the story so far, i can't tell what this story is about, is it a paranormal mystery, a disney/TLC love-comedy, i'm not sure. The twists and turns make it very entertaining and unpredictable both in a good and bad way.
The good way is that it makes the story very different from everything else i've read so far and i love the characters, and how well written it is. It's slowly becoming one of my favorite visuals ever.
The bad way is that at the rate you are going, the story will became a jumble mess of pointless plotlines, plotholes, and chaotic mess of stuff just randomly happening for no reason, like the Mert vs Artyom goalkeeper match (it was very funny but all the Inazuma Eleven special attacks came out of nowhere).
I think you should try to think about what story your are trying to tell, what are the general goals (beginning, middle and end), and focus on building up the characters and story plotpoints from there. Using Adastra as an example, it's a story about a human that was kidnapped by a wolf and as to help him with a political dispute in his home moon in order to return to earth. With that general idea, now you can decide who are the antagonists, what are they doing to prevent the human from returning to earth, who's helping, etc. and then try to imagine how you get from one point to another in a way that makes sense.
TLDR: The characters and overall story is really good, the writing is amazing and the general idea in the first two builds was very compelling, but this last build despite being entertaining, is all over the place in plot size and direction; needs fixing before it becomes a problem. Make clear what's going on in the plot and let it progress slowly in order to flash out the story and character dynamics better, i have no problem with the romance but the whole chosen one and Finn's personality swinging left and right (by that i mean his materialism and how he goes from defending his sister and her friends, to not minding Artyom insulting them, even if he's mad at her) it's not that great, you need to make Finn's personality consistent. My advice is to revise the story so far, and remove the unnecessary.
That's about it, love the your story so far even with the yet small problems and hope to see more from this, don't give up and keep trucking. Good Luck
Small edit: maybe create an email account or space for suggestions, they might help. I have some ideias for small changes you can make, but don't really wanna write it here.
Everything that happens in the game has a reason. Even every sentence that is spoken has been placed with a purpose. I'm just showing the pieces of the puzzle one by one, and at some point, there will be enough pieces to understand the story.
The game's goal is to create an exciting and fun journey. That's why the tone of the story might change at times so that I can continue developing the narrative alongside it. This fun itself is a part of the story, and I can't tone it down...
Finn was angry that day because Riley had gone without him, and Riley expected him to come and apologize. That's why this time, he was already frustrated and let Artyom insult her. But later in the game, we see that he still loves his sister, and they make up. Though Finn might change along with my mood, I'll try to keep his character the same.
I wanted the main character to be somewhat blank so the player could project themselves onto them. Actually, this is a general issue in all games, but I'm trying to make Finn more interesting.
But what do you mean by him being materialistic? What exactly makes you think that? I’d appreciate it if you could explain because this is important, and I need to fix it.
well, if someone offends my family or close friends, I got offended as well... I might not fight them, but I would avoid them... specially because Artion offended for so little... besides, I wouldn't allow so many expensive presents so soon... but that his way I guess... I respect that
i love the game but i had such a problem withthe shooting game. i hit the targets but most of the time it didnt even register it. but otherise it was really great
I just checked, and everything is working fine, at least on my computer. The only thing that comes to mind is that the issue might be related to the mouse offset. In the next update, I'll make it a bit easier so it might solve it.
I hope people will be patient and wait for the game update...
I admit that the updates are fast for a free game, but many people are impatient with creators. I'm afraid creators won't be active after this update 😞😞😞😞
Pls make Holger dateable, he is my fav so far, love Artyom and Mert but damn Holger is hot af. Amazing work, the best of lucks man everything is really good, pretty nice work for a first build, can't wait to see the future of this ❤️❤️
Wow, this VN is exciting, I'm excited to see what Finn discovered while sleepwalking. But the painted children's rollercoaster didn't fit in with all the grown-up and buff guys, but it's good that there was a real-time rollercoaster experience. I can't wait for it to continue. But I think the next update will be tougher, I hope Finn survives the whole thing.
Mert and Artyom are both super hot!! Nice muscular bodies, nice nipples, nice faces, maybe the bulge a bit too much on the big side, but I guess it fits their size. Sure, Finn's sister is quite annoying but I bet she have her reasons. Can't wait for the next update, keep up the good work.
Now excuse me, I go grate my face on those big boy's abs :D
When will the update be ready?! Just kidding, kinda... I really like what there is so far and I was kinda bummed when it ended. Good Cliffhanger tho. As far as criticisms go: Riley, right now, is way too annoying and overbearing. And all 3 of the girls seem to be taking advantage of Finn. The games are troublesome for me to play due to arm spasms, which is a "me" thing, I know. I just hope no romance points are attached to them. Other than that, keep doing what you are doing. I enjoyed the game a lot.
Riley being annoying is intentional, and we’ll learn more about it later.
The mini-games are just for fun and entertainment, and none of them require winning to earn points. Even for the shooting game, I’ve lowered the minimum score requirement so that everyone has a chance to win. So, no need to worry about the mini-games! :)
The next update will be out next week or the week after. I hope you’re looking forward to it!
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How can I unlock the third CG?
Get more points for Mert.
I will admit, I thought it might've gone faster then I expected, but I have some suspicion that there might be something with Apple involved. Overall, I really like everything so far, and those new cgs are so delightful!!! Can't wait to see how things go!
Good job for making a really good game, just because the protag is smaller than the rest of character i hope he's not gonna bottom. at least switch :D
But again your game your choice, this pace is build up nicely
I'm hoping the same, have some hope from how willing both were willing too flash their assholes if you wear the skimpy underwear. Also, cause I think it'd be funny if they find out he's just a grower, and just huge. But whatever position they'll have, it'll be super hot!
Finn: Versatile
Mert: Total Top
Artyom : Vers Top
Roland and David: Bottom
ÉQUIPE DES FRÈRE D'OR A FRENCH PHRASE ARE YOU FRENCH?
This is just my 2 cents, but I recommend trying to recruit beta readers for the story to get feedback. The initial build had a great story to start with, but it's taking some turns with the second build which I'm not crazy about.
Hi, what are you not satisfied with? Just say whatever is on your mind, I’m ready to hear it!
*spoiler* For me there was a bit too much 'trying to buy protagonist's affection' with this update. The whole emphasis on spending a huge amount of money on the protagonist when they still barely knew each other rubbed me the wrong way. And the 'chosen one' dialogue took a drastic change in tone versus before. Before the protagonist nearly dies because of a strange entity. And there is an air of mystery as he tries to figure out whose contacting him. Now they are having conversations about him being the 'chosen one' is a totally different light, more comedy and slap stick funny. The change in tone with the alien felt way too fast. These are only my thoughts though. Getting feedback on the story from a couple of others might note something different.
Spoiler
________________
Mert and Artyom are rivals, and they try to outspend each other for Finn, that’s the reason behind it.
As for the secrets, I should mention that I still want to keep the game’s vibe fun and comedic for now. I also didn’t want the reader to think they were about to play a horror game because it's not horror. But the story is serious and will gradually become more mysterious and deeper. So, I hope you’ll look forward to future updates because this is just the beginning!
I agree with the problems mentioned here. Even though i'm really enjoying the story so far, i can't tell what this story is about, is it a paranormal mystery, a disney/TLC love-comedy, i'm not sure. The twists and turns make it very entertaining and unpredictable both in a good and bad way.
The good way is that it makes the story very different from everything else i've read so far and i love the characters, and how well written it is. It's slowly becoming one of my favorite visuals ever.
The bad way is that at the rate you are going, the story will became a jumble mess of pointless plotlines, plotholes, and chaotic mess of stuff just randomly happening for no reason, like the Mert vs Artyom goalkeeper match (it was very funny but all the Inazuma Eleven special attacks came out of nowhere).
I think you should try to think about what story your are trying to tell, what are the general goals (beginning, middle and end), and focus on building up the characters and story plotpoints from there. Using Adastra as an example, it's a story about a human that was kidnapped by a wolf and as to help him with a political dispute in his home moon in order to return to earth. With that general idea, now you can decide who are the antagonists, what are they doing to prevent the human from returning to earth, who's helping, etc. and then try to imagine how you get from one point to another in a way that makes sense.
TLDR: The characters and overall story is really good, the writing is amazing and the general idea in the first two builds was very compelling, but this last build despite being entertaining, is all over the place in plot size and direction; needs fixing before it becomes a problem. Make clear what's going on in the plot and let it progress slowly in order to flash out the story and character dynamics better, i have no problem with the romance but the whole chosen one and Finn's personality swinging left and right (by that i mean his materialism and how he goes from defending his sister and her friends, to not minding Artyom insulting them, even if he's mad at her) it's not that great, you need to make Finn's personality consistent. My advice is to revise the story so far, and remove the unnecessary.
That's about it, love the your story so far even with the yet small problems and hope to see more from this, don't give up and keep trucking. Good Luck
Small edit: maybe create an email account or space for suggestions, they might help. I have some ideias for small changes you can make, but don't really wanna write it here.
Everything that happens in the game has a reason. Even every sentence that is spoken has been placed with a purpose. I'm just showing the pieces of the puzzle one by one, and at some point, there will be enough pieces to understand the story.
The game's goal is to create an exciting and fun journey. That's why the tone of the story might change at times so that I can continue developing the narrative alongside it. This fun itself is a part of the story, and I can't tone it down...
Finn was angry that day because Riley had gone without him, and Riley expected him to come and apologize. That's why this time, he was already frustrated and let Artyom insult her. But later in the game, we see that he still loves his sister, and they make up. Though Finn might change along with my mood, I'll try to keep his character the same.
I am still in the middle of the game, but I do not like Finn... He seems to be materialist and shallow... but it is part of the story I guess
I wanted the main character to be somewhat blank so the player could project themselves onto them. Actually, this is a general issue in all games, but I'm trying to make Finn more interesting.
But what do you mean by him being materialistic? What exactly makes you think that? I’d appreciate it if you could explain because this is important, and I need to fix it.
well, if someone offends my family or close friends, I got offended as well... I might not fight them, but I would avoid them... specially because Artion offended for so little... besides, I wouldn't allow so many expensive presents so soon... but that his way I guess... I respect that
Artyom apologized, and Finn somewhat sided with him since he knew that his friends and sister could make mistakes and be annoying as well.
I love this story, Mert is so nice and Artyom is just a walking red flag to me haha, I enjoyed the vn, can't wait for the next update
Artyom is my favorite cuz there's not much doberman love interests in fvn but I also like Mert. Wouldn't be surprised if Finn gets both
What happened to your other game???
I wasn't too satisfied with it. I'll probably reboot it later, but for now, my focus is on this game.
I'm loving this game! I was first attracted to the big hunky men but the story is turning out to be great too!
Great Update but now i'm very suspicious of everyone. Apple especially sounds very sus.
I enjoyed the update overall, though the text for memory game was in a different language, so I had no idea what to do initially.
Sorry, that part turned out a bit rushed and didn’t come out well. If you want, you can skip that part by disabling the puzzle option.
Damn, that was amazing, I can't wait to play the sequel!
I especially liked the shopping moment when Finn was choosing underwear for both men hehe~
Thank you very much! The game is super! ♥️
yay, update!!!
i love the game but i had such a problem withthe shooting game. i hit the targets but most of the time it didnt even register it. but otherise it was really great
Can you tell me what platform you were playing on? Are you sure you clicked on them in time? You only have 2 seconds to click.
In any case, you can now disable the mini-game option in the settings, and that part will be skipped automatically for the best result. :)
I have a similar problem, i always get 15 even when i hit more. I'm playing on PC (my FPS skills can't be failing me now)
I just checked, and everything is working fine, at least on my computer. The only thing that comes to mind is that the issue might be related to the mouse offset. In the next update, I'll make it a bit easier so it might solve it.
Nö, YOU'RE constantly checking if the new Update is out.
Polar cake when you release the new update
Polar cake Please release the new update I can't wait to play it
Just finished playing this. I like the big twists in story you had at the end. Really took me by surprise.
I hope people will be patient and wait for the game update...
I admit that the updates are fast for a free game, but many people are impatient with creators. I'm afraid creators won't be active after this update 😞😞😞😞
When is the new update going to come out?
Today or tomorrow, there's not much left until the release.
What about the agreed update?
Pls make Holger dateable, he is my fav so far, love Artyom and Mert but damn Holger is hot af. Amazing work, the best of lucks man everything is really good, pretty nice work for a first build, can't wait to see the future of this ❤️❤️
holger romance is necessary!!!
I agree pls its such a daddy
but he's cheating to his wife though..
This game is so great that I can't wait to see the next version.……
When will there be nsfw content?...
The next update will have some.
There's no way we could pursue our friend right cause I somehow like Rex more than dating the other guys (=w=;)
Sorry, who is rex?😅
Sorry I mean Max I think I read too many visual novel game at this point to remember wrong name -w-
Oh, then you don’t need to worry because almost all the characters in the game are romanceable! (But only Artyom and Mert have their own routes.)
Max is one of them too, and if you gather enough points with him, you’ll get his special ending :)
Why are the guy's chests bigger than that of the girl's?😭
Oh ok
can you tell me what city you based on?
Everything takes place on a fictional island near the USA.
Oh ok
Wow, this VN is exciting, I'm excited to see what Finn discovered while sleepwalking. But the painted children's rollercoaster didn't fit in with all the grown-up and buff guys, but it's good that there was a real-time rollercoaster experience. I can't wait for it to continue. But I think the next update will be tougher, I hope Finn survives the whole thing.
I'm curious if Holger will be a choice in the future? (Even if ntr)
Mert and Artyom are both super hot!!
Nice muscular bodies, nice nipples, nice faces, maybe the bulge a bit too much on the big side, but I guess it fits their size.
Sure, Finn's sister is quite annoying but I bet she have her reasons.
Can't wait for the next update, keep up the good work.
Now excuse me, I go grate my face on those big boy's abs :D
Wonderful presentation, mini games, mysterious plot, and sexy lifeguards. Very strong start, super excited for next update ✨️
When is the next update coming out?
I plan to release it within 7 days. You won’t have to wait long!
Oh nice! A slice of life VN. I'll wait patiently for more. Thanks =)
I'm dying to know what happens next!
Mert has been lovely so far, but... I don't know about Artyom, I don't know if he has a crush on Finn or if it's just Mert's competitive nature.
((Spoiler))
Do we get to see that tiger from Finn's dream again?
of course!
Oh my gosh, I'm so excited!
I can't wait to see him!
Aww, I demand a continuation! ♥️
Wow, it was so unexpectedly to hear that russian expression from Artyom, haha)) Already love him, so the vn too!
I hope I wrote them correctly; my Russian isn't very good :)
Fvn with mini game let's goo
I'm glad I gave this a shot. I'm in love with it. Mert, my love, I have a need for you. Looking forward to future updates
When will the update be ready?!
Just kidding, kinda... I really like what there is so far and I was kinda bummed when it ended. Good Cliffhanger tho.
As far as criticisms go: Riley, right now, is way too annoying and overbearing. And all 3 of the girls seem to be taking advantage of Finn. The games are troublesome for me to play due to arm spasms, which is a "me" thing, I know. I just hope no romance points are attached to them.
Other than that, keep doing what you are doing. I enjoyed the game a lot.
Riley being annoying is intentional, and we’ll learn more about it later.
The mini-games are just for fun and entertainment, and none of them require winning to earn points. Even for the shooting game, I’ve lowered the minimum score requirement so that everyone has a chance to win. So, no need to worry about the mini-games! :)
The next update will be out next week or the week after. I hope you’re looking forward to it!
I was kidding about the update, but within 2 weeks? I take it! I am indeed looking forward to it
She and her brother will need to have a talk about the future and stuff. Can't deal scenes with her if she's going to annoying throughout the story